Five Barbaric Ways to Eat a Watermelon (For Breakfast)

Derived from my mom's 'what-do-you-think-you're-doing?-lectures'

1) Cut a watermelon in half. Give 1 half to your loved one. If you don't love anyone else, save the other half for tomorrow.

Spoon out the center, taking care to destroy the sweet sweet evidence. Once you have a big enough hole and enough juices to fill it, make sure to drop as many seeds into it as possible - now you have a rocky bottom. Float something to represent boats - prepare to do a naval battle.

2) Cut watermelon in weird shapes. Eat it and put the crust back together, preferably gluing it. Now you have a fake watermelon. Impress all your friends by lifting that sucker with your finger.

3) Cut a watermelon in a serrated way, eat all of it out, color it white and tell everyone you found a dinosaur egg

4) Drop watermelon on the floor. If floor is clean, pick up the pieces and eat them. If the floor is dirty, utilize the 5 second rule.

5) Build a watermelon pyramid to defy the Egyptians or something even more crazy


...and then run to your bathroom/outhouse/tree stump.